The Sun and her Shadow
by uchihaotakuhime
Summary: A place to organize my little ShikaHina drabbles and one-shots.
1. A Shadow without His Sun

**A Shadow Without His Sun**

There was something calming about visiting Konoha. Gaara never minded coming to visit after the war, especially since most of the shinobi world was concentrating on peace efforts, so it was easier for him to leave Sunagakure in the council's hands from time to time. To be more accurate, he considered it somewhat of a mini vacation. Gaara inhaled a deep, clean breath of air, marveling at how clear it was and how little grains of sand didn't tickle his nostrils. He idly observed many buildings in various stages of reconstruction, many children playing throughout the streets, and shinobi training, much like his own village, so it was somewhat of a familiar, and almost comforting, sight. It was a bright, clear, and warm sunny day-not blinding and scorching, like Suna's, but enough to cause Gaara to sweat and to invite many of the villagers to the bubbling stream to play in the cold water. The atmosphere was relaxing and the greenery and scenery around him had a nice, tranquil effect on him. That along with the faint noise of life rustling in the village and with the accompanying drawling voice of the new head of the Nara clan. Gaara was mildly amused that Shikamaru had willingly helped settle Gaara into the Hokage's guests' apartments. But then, as a sort of foreign liaison as well as Hokage's advisor, he really had no choice. He was doing a thorough job touring the Kazekage on some of the newer rebuilt sections of Konoha, but Gaara did not miss the fact that the normally lazy ninja was a little distracted. His brown eyes would glaze over while he spoke, obviously not quite entirely involved in what minimal conversation they were exchanging, and would somewhat linger a little longer on the training grounds or at a distance past Gaara's face. There were pronounced shadows under his eyes and his shoulders seem to sag a little lower than usual, but Shikamaru never gave anything away, and they eventually made their around the village on their path to the Hokage tower, the Nara seemingly running on autopilot the entire time.

"Of course, it would require frequent visits to Suna to show support of village," Gaara was saying as he followed the genius to the Hokage's office.

Shikamaru sighed, "It would be a pain." His hand reached for the door to turn the knob and stepped aside, allowing the Kazekage to enter the Hokage's office first. "But I guess I have no choice."

They were met by the sight of the backs of three jounin and a large white beast, who barked upon their entrance into the room.

Gaara recognized the shinobi immediately. The Inuzuka, who seemed to have gotten more burly and even scruffier, the five o' clock shadow on his face and chin much more pronounced since the last time he saw him, was leaning almost casually against the Hokage's desk. The Aburame, taller and more intimidating, even more so with his floor-length jacket, stood silently at attention. And the eldest Hyuuga, a smaller, petite woman with her trademark, shiny midnight hair reaching past her waist had one hand behind her latched on her other arm, her stance relaxed as she finished saying something to the Hokage. They turned in one synchronized motion to see who had entered.

"Ah, Rokudaime, gomen," the Nara beside him apologized. "I didn't realize you weren't finished."

"Iie, we were just finishing up," Kakashi waved him off. "Come in." He glanced at the clock. "I suppose it is time for that meeting. It was me who took too long." He gave a small nod to his fellow kage. "Gaara-kun, welcome. I hope you had a safe journey."

"Aa," Gaara nodded, "Thank you for having Shikamaru show me to my guest quarters."

The gray-haired Hokage turned to the three standing in front of him, "Well, I guess we'll continue this briefing another time. Team Kurenai, you may go."

"Maa, Kakashi- _sama_ ," Kiba rolled his eyes. " _Former_ Team Kurenai."

"Gomen," Kakashi's eyes turned down in what looked like a smiling expression. "To me, you sometimes seem like innoncent genin like back then, I forget sometimes. No need to be so formal."

"To me, you sometimes seem like you're getting older by the second," Kiba heaved himself off the desk. "We'll be waiting for our summons then. Ne, Akamaru, let's go." The dog stood up slowly, shaking himself off and leading the way to the door.

Kiba passed the two with a quick nod to Gaara, before very pointedly ignoring Shikamaru, turning his chin away from him as he left, the latter grimacing. Gaara also received a small bow from Shino, but he couldn't tell if he spared Shikamaru a glance, with his sunglasses and all. Hinata, trailing after her teammates, followed with an "Arigatou, Kakashi-sensei." She bowed to Gaara as she passed with a warm "Kazekage-sama," before her eyes flickered to Shikamaru. With a tight smile and a guarded look in her crystal eyes that barely met his, she murmured quietly, "Shikamaru-kun."

Shikamaru's jaw clenched ever so slightly, and their gazes dropped quickly to the floor before Hinata stepped gracefully past them. "Hinata."

Gaara's eyebrows raised at the strange exchange. He glanced at the Hokage seated behind his desk who gave a small, knowing shrug and proceeded to rifle through the paperwork on his desk.

The room was silent, save for the sound of Kakashi's pen scribbling and stamp stamping for a few minutes.

"...As I was saying."

The genius didn't seem to hear him. Gaara followed Shikamaru's once-again distracted gaze to the door where their three comrades had departed, which had long closed behind them.

Gaara cleared his throat. "Ahem."

Shikamaru's eyes snapped back towards the red-haired kage.

"Yeah, sorry," He sauntered towards Kakashi and took Kiba's old position, leaning against the Hokage's desk, hands in his pockets. "Continue."

"The traveling may take a toll and you may not be able to complete as many missions with your team. You may have to start spending more time in Suna and less time with your current teammates, your family, and your friends."

"I understand," Shikamaru stated boredly, betraying no emotion.

Gaara felt the tension hanging in the air. He sank down into one of the chairs Kakashi had motioned him towards before continuing slowly, "One of the main reasons they are insisting on Temari to marry you is to strengthen the tie between Konoha and Suna."

"I know that."

Gaara stared pointedly at the shadow-nin, who shifted uncomfortably under his gaze, already itching to leave.

"Temari's not the only one who's being pressured by the council to choose a mate in Konoha."

"And?"

The Kazekage gave a small, unintelligible sigh and tiny shake of the head. "The Hyuuga girl is beautiful and from one of the most renowned clans in the world," Gaara finally stated flatly.

The corners of Shikamaru's lips turned down and his eyes narrowed a fraction of an inch. "So she is. What does this have anything at all to do with her?"

"You wouldn't mind at all if I took her as my wife?"

Shikamaru choked, his eyes widening uncharacteristically. "I-I..." His mouth snapped shut and he swallowed once, before closing his eyes and smoothing out his expression. When dark brown eyes met sea-green across the room, they were calm. "It's not my place to mind."

Gaara stared at him. "Would she mind that you wouldn't mind?"

"I... don't know? I can't believe I'm talking to you about this, out of all people," he answered impatiently. "We're supposed to be talking about politics."

"We are talking politics. This is politics."

"How is _any_ of this politics?" Shikamaru's voice started to rise higher than normal as he threw dirty looks towards his superior. "I thought we were going to discuss my departure from Konoha. This has _nothing_ to do with her."

Kakashi set down his papers and folded his fingers on the table, ignoring his advisor's glare.

"This has quite a lot to do with her." Gaara crossed his arms. "And you. Specifically."

"There is no 'me and her' that we need to discuss, and as far as I'm concerned-"

"Shikamaru," Kakashi raised a hand, interrupting Shikamaru. "Listen. I'm not saying this is an intervention, but it can be an intervention, and it might as well be one, so please stop for a second."

Shikamaru's mouth snapped shut and Kakashi continued. "You've been more quiet and serious since you've accepted the marriage alliance contract. Everyone notices how different you're acting. You're losing sleep. You don't spend as much time with your peers or your family. You haven't been eating. You spend more time drinking after work. You've been skipping out on almost all of the Nara clan's meetings. I can't have one of my best jounin putting himself a risk to hurt himself mentally, especially when I need him to help me run this village."

"I'm performing well at work aren't I?"

Kakashi pursed his lips. "I can't deny that, but your personal life is atrocious."

Shikamaru sighed, throwing up his hands in surrender. "Fine. Let's hear what you have to say. This whole thing is troublesome," he muttered in exasperation. "As if it matters when I leave."

"I highly doubt that makes anyone feel better about the whole situation," Kakashi deadpanned as he leaned forward. "It seems to me that you're love sick and you're pouting because you don't want to do anything to do about it."

The Nara shook his head and pushed himself away from the desk, walking towards the window and staring out at the view. Shikamaru rubbed his forehead with the palm of his hand as both kages waited for him to speak. "She's in love with Naruto," he said after a long pause in a flat voice, but it almost sounded robotic, as if he had said it automatically in response many times already.

"Are you sure about that?" Kakashi asked, his brow raised.

Gaara nodded. "We've all grown up immensely since the war."

The Hokage continued after he settled back a little more comfortable in his chair, satisfied that Shikamaru was listening. "She hasn't pined after Naruto since they talked about her confession after the war. It was quite obvious Naruto still had feelings for Sakura. Besides, who knows when Naruto will come back? He's been traveling with Sasuke for quite some time now. She's matured greatly as a woman and her concerns now lie with her clan, her team, and Mirai."

Shikamaru didn't respond, still facing away from the kages.

"If you don't decide and get your mind straight, I'll take her as my wife." Gaara said bluntly. "Alliance solved."

Shikamaru almost fumbled with his words and couldn't help himself as he turned towards Gaara quickly. "What about Temari and me? The council-"

Gaara waved his hand dismissively. "It wouldn't be an issue after that. Besides," he continued. "I've already talked with her father."

"What?"

Gaara shrugged. "He's been considering the idea, considering that Hinata has been pressing for the joining of both branches. A faction of the Hyuuga would follow to Suna, a new faction that does not have main or side branches."

"That sounds too good for her to pass up," Shikamaru said almost dejectedly. The top of his ponytail seem to droop with disappointment. The kages exchanged a glance.

"She's quite the politician when she wants to be and I think she would do well in Suna as my wife," Gaara drew out slowly.

"Or the Hokage's wife," Kakashi sang.

Shikamaru threw another dirty glance at him.

Kakashi smiled. "Kidding."

"What makes you think she'd be interested in you at all?" The Nara countered, to which his superior's smile disappeared and said in a hurt voice, "Ouch."

Gaara spoke up again. "Hinata has been made aware of her option."

"She has? I wouldn't blame her if she chose it," Shikamaru mumbled. He folded his arms across his chest and closed his eyes, leaning against the wall.

Kakashi watched him for a while. "Well, when was the last time you spoke with Hinata?"

The dark-haired young man rubbed his hand on his face, feeling the stubble that he had ignored on his chin and cheeks. "Too long."

"Yeah, since you told her you were marrying Temari."

Shikamaru eyed his superior warily. "How do you know so much about my life?"

Kakashi chuckled. "Kurenai doesn't hold back her gossip around us. Thought you'd know that by now." The Hokage's face turned serious. "Look, ask yourself this. What would you rather do? Marry another woman for duty, and potentially hurt her, destroying what remnant of friendship you have left? Or have her marry another man for duty and have her leave your home and possibly only see her on rare occasions? Either way, none are resolutions to the problem, and you both lose."

"The problem would be solved if we both married for duty," Shikamaru grumbled.

"Would it?"

"She would understand," The advisor crossed his arms defensively. "It's for Konoha."

"Yes, of course she would understand, Nara," Gaara said quietly. "It's Hinata."

Shikamaru's eyebrows turned down as his eyes closed again, irritation there on his face, but clearly mulling over both kages' words.

"Shikamaru, think with your heart, and not your head for once," the Hokage said, when the silence was long enough. "You of all people should know how much she was hurting after Naruto. How much more do you think she's hurting now?"

Shikamaru sighed another long sigh before he straightened up from the wall, and the kages could hear a soft and troubled, "I know." He made his way over, his face darkening in expression and he glanced suspiciously at the Kazekage. "You know, as her brother, one would think you'd be trying to help her get the man she's going to marry, not prevent it."

Gaara shrugged. "I'd rather have Hinata for my wife than have you marry my sister, I guess."

Shikamaru shook his head. "It's not like her father would allow anything to happen between us anyway."

"Who knows?" Kakashi leaned back further in his chair, both arms behind him casually.

"Wouldn't _you_ know, Hokage-sama? You _are_ the Hokage." Shikamaru rolled his eyes. " And you don't know if she has feelings for me like that."

"You don't either." The Hokage shrugged. "At least tell her that you care about her."

"Is this what the meeting was about?" Shikamaru asked sarcastically.

Gaara interrupted while Kakashi shrugged. "Look, Nara. The only reason why we pulled you in here was to give you once last chance before finalizing everything. I was going to cancel yours and Temari's alliance and entertain the possibility of changing it to Hinata and me, which I did. Kakashi seemed to agree it was a good idea. I just wanted to run it by you first, as a comrade. Since you obviously do have feelings for her."

"Ino already sent her approval," piped Kakashi. "'Be a man, Shikamaru,' she said to tell you."

"Of course she would," Shikamaru grimaced.

"I can't even begin to tell you how many messenger hawks I've received from her begging me to do something about 'Shikamaru and his pathetic ass,'" Gaara stated, rolling his eyes at the memory.

"And you know Chouji just wants to see you happy. Lately, you've been anything but."

Shikamaru winced. "I know."

"Then what really is holding you back?" Kakashi asked.

"Mendokusei..." Shikamaru glared at his Hokage. "I don't remember you being so involved in your students' love lives."

"So you admit you do have a love life? And with Hinata, no less?"

Shikamaru's eyes rolled up to the ceiling, clearly annoyed at him, as he didn't bother to even try to answer Kakashi.

"I'll give you one month to tell her. Hinata is a nice girl." Kakashi negotiated. "If not, both prospects are back on the table."

"Fine, may I go?"

"Are you gonna tell her now?"

"No," Shikamaru turned on his heel and made his way towards the exit. "I have a headache. There's too much to think about. I'm going home."

"One month, Nara," called Gaara smoothly.

Shikamaru was already halfway out the door.

"Yeah, yeah," he grumbled. "You two are troublesome."

—

Sometimes Shikamaru wished he wasn't the type of guy to think and just act, like Naruto or Lee. That way he wouldn't be having so much trouble. His thoughts kept him awake and they were driving him insane. It was already a week and a half since the meeting with the kages and he was getting nowhere. Mostly, he just stayed in bed under the covers at home, eating a little of what Yoshino placed in front of his room. She griped about him not being productive and being the laziest he had ever been, but she secretly missed having her son back at home. He had been living in his own apartment since he had taken up the role of hokage's advisor. Shikamaru hadn't bothered showing up back at work, but Kakashi hadn't scolded him either for it. He didn't feel like meeting up with Chouji or Ino because they'd ask too many questions, or in Ino's case, nag him about 'hurrying the hell up about it' or 'getting your shit together' blah blah blah.

He was starting to get another headache just thinking about it. He lay staring at the ceiling now, his room completely darkened by the curtains, blocking the late afternoon light from entering his room. He hadn't showered for a couple days, his hair feeling greasy on the pillow next to him. He lay in his covers in nothing but his boxers, hugging a pillow across his chest.

Okay, he admitted it. He was depressed, and he was sulking. Always having something to do and to keep busy kept his mind off of it, but now that he was alone with only his thoughts, he couldn't escape anymore. He only came to one conclusion.

He was love sick. Over Hinata Hyuuga. And he missed her. He missed seeing her, talking to her, being around her, seeing her cute adorable frustrated face losing to him in shougi, feeling the soft curve of her body in his arms as they took naps together, stealing quick kisses from her soft lips, brushing the length of her silky hair with his fingertips-and he had pushed her away.

Because he thought he'd never be able to do those things again. And in doing so, he had hurt her.

He cursed mentally as he punched his pillow. Like hell he was going to let Gaara take her as his wife. The dark angle of his eyebrows sloped downward, and he thought to himself how annoying everyone was for barging in on his life and how how he could handle things on his own goddammit!

"You obviously are _not_ handling things on your own," came Ino's voice in his mind. She had said that to him the last time she had tried to talk to him about it.

Shikamaru turned on his side, curling into a fetal position, his face smoothing out as he thought of how long it had been since it had been Hinata instead of the pillow he was hugging closely to him. He couldn't imagine it to be anyone else. He didn't want anyone else, and he wasn't going to throw everything they had-this relationship they had slowly built-together away.

His breath hitched and he hissed, "Dammit!" throwing the pilllow against the wall and throwing himself out of bed. He sat on the edge, hitting his forehead with two fists. He wished his father was here, he wished he could talk to Asuma-sensei because he would know what to do because he always knew what to do and-

Shikamaru let out a deep breath before resolve settled in his brown eyes.

He was going to pay a visit to Kurenai-sensei.

—

He had let the shower run over him for a good hour on the highest heat it could go. It helped calm him a little. Soothed his nerves. He felt fresh in clean pants, shoes, shirt. His mother had even pressed his vest for him.

Shikamaru trudged slowly towards Kurenai's apartment. He felt guilty for not visiting for a while now, oftentimes making up excuses about having too much work or avoiding having to explain anything to her at all. He didn't want to bring up Hinata. But if anyone could help him sort out his feelings, it would be her.

"What do you want, what do you want," Shikamaru muttered under his breath as he reached Kurenai's place, willing himself not to bolt.

His long fingers toyed with the key in his pocket as he slowly slipped off his sandals at the door. After closing his eyes and taking in another deep breath, he quietly inserted the key into the lock and opened the door.

He was greeted with the sound of peals of laughter as he entered. The first sight he saw was the main object of his thoughts giggling breathlessly as she tickled the young girl in her arms on the couch in the small living room. Hinata's nose nuzzled Mirai's and they cuddled closer to each other. Their cheeks were flushed, their hair a mess, and for once, Shikamaru's thoughts had stopped completely and time seemed to slow. For a moment, his vision tunneled to the sight of both of them there, still unaware of his arrival.

 _This is what I want._

His sight darkened until he could only see the light in her eyes dancing, her face filled with complete happiness.

 _You are what I want._

The sound of the door shutting behind him interrupted his thoughts and they looked up as they heard the noise.

"Shikamaru-nii-chan!" Mirai's voice rang out delightedly as she scrambled out of Hinata's arms and threw herself at Shikamaru's leg.

He looked down his leg to see the face of his former sensei's child, and he ruffled her unruly black hair. "Aa, I'm back," he grinned at her, before his eyes shifted up to the young woman on the couch.

She gave him a shy smile, before her gaze dropped to her lap, where her fingers had clenched the fabric of her pants nervously.

He took a deep breath and said, "Hinata." It was like sighing a breath of relief just to say her name again, to meet her eyes again, to have her respond to him. She looked up at him in surprise, half expecting him to have ignored her again.

"We need to talk."

—

The next time Gaara met Shikamaru, they were at the front gates of Konoha.

"Looks like I'll be leaving Konoha empty-handed," Gaara said.

Shikamaru grinned sheepishly. "Looks like it. And I wont be leaving at all."

Gaara raised a brow knowingly. "I assume everything went well."

The shadow-user looked almost embarrassed. "Well, yeah..." his arms went behind his head lazily.

Gaara crossed his arms and waited pointedly.

Shikamaru sighed and grumbled, "Mendokusei..." He took a deep breath in and the words came out in a rush, flatly and without emotion, nonetheless. "The short story is that I told her that, yeah, I don't know what to do. I've calculated approximately fifty thousand ways things could happen, and there could be fifty thousand way things couldn't happen, and fifty thousand ways things could happen after that, and I don't know how to prepare for them. But damn it all. We don't have to know. We'll just take it as it is, step by step. All I know is that right now it feels right. What we have." Shikamaru's face had a slight pink dusting his cheeks and his eyes were rolled up as high as they could go towards the sky.

"How'd she take it?"

Shikamaru crossed his arms, pretending to be interesting in the dirt he was kicking, and he pressed his lips together. "She took it, uh, pretty well."

Gaara nodded apathetically, unphased. "At least you finally came to your senses. You're as genius as they say, after all."

"Yeah, I guess so," he mumbled, rolling his eyes. "Anyway, hurry back and tell them then."

"Will do," Gaara said, turning away with the beginnings of a smug smile on his lips.

"Oh, and Gaara?"

"Yes?" the tattoo on the red-haired kage's forehead was slightly visible as he shifted his head towards Shikamaru.

"I hope you'll tell Temari-no hard feelings," Shikamaru exhaled uneasily.

"I'm sure there won't be. I don't think she quite entertained the idea of packing up everything she knew and loved and moving to Konoha, anyway."

One hand found itself in Shikamaru's pocket, while the other reached towards the back of his head as he scratched it. "What about the alliance?"

"We'll figure something out. Besides," Gaara shrugged as he turned away, his sand seeping out of his large gourd as he prepared to be transported back to his home country. "There's still Kankuro."

* * *

 _Oooooh who should Kankuro end up with?_


	2. Girl Talk

**Girl Talk**

Kurenai would always be like a mother to Hinata, even if she wasn't considered her sensei anymore. It was harder to spend as much time with each other the older they got, but they enjoyed the times they did, and they made sure to do so as often as they could. They had just returned from the onsen and were trying on creams and facial masks and beauty products given to the Hyuuga sisters as gifts overtime from friends and suitors. Kurenai and Hinata used this time to relax and pamper themselves, forgetting about responsibilities of motherhood and the Hyuuga clan for a moment. Shikamaru had been babysititng Mirai, and now he was reading softly to her outside on the engawa bathed in the soft moonlight.

"Oshiro-san's skin looked so much smoother than mine! Like he didn't spend a day in the sun," Hinata sighed as she rubbed cream on her hands and arms, lifting up the silk of her sleeping yukata. "And his hands were much softer."

"You are a kunoichi, not a princess," Kurenai laughed as she smoothed a goopy green cream on her face. "He really is a pampered prince, isn't he?"

"Hai," Hinata paused for a moment and wrinkled her nose. "Father said he was good man, though."

She let the towel on her head loose and her dark indigo hair came tumbling down around her shoulders and down her back. "In the end," she continued, "Oshiro-san showed no interest, financial or otherwise, in supporting Konohagakure after our potential marriage, so Father declined the proposal."

Kurenai hummed, tucking stray curls under the towel she had wrapped her hair in. "That's not the first time." She squeezed her former student's shoulder affectionately. "In time, Hinata. Let it take time. I want to treasure these moments together as long as I can."

Hinata smiled gratefully and relaxed as Kurenai reached out to brush her long hair with soft, gentle strokes. She closed her eyes and relaxed. "Who do you think I'll end up with, sensei? Father has been examining even branch clan members as potential husbands."

"I am not a woman from a clan like yours, Hinata," Kurenai said carefully. "But, if he saw the person you wanted to marry, if you were to choose, was fit and could support you and your clan, then there could be a possibility. As long as the byakugan is protected."

"As long as he is a good man," Hinata whispered softly. It was what she had been telling herself. She would put aside her feelings for who she loved and marry the one she was assigned to. _As long as he is a good man._

She let the sounds of Shikamaru's deep voice and the singing crickets outside, the different soothing scents of the creams, lotions, and facial products relax her as Kurenai hummed, beginning to pleat her hair at the top of head to start a braid.

"Sensei?"

"Mm?"

"What makes a good man?"

"Hmm... Well, does he love you? Do you love him? Then, that's a good man," Kurenai laughed.

"Sensei!" Hinata laughed with her.

Kurenai gave Hinata's head a quick kiss. "That's the gist of it at least," she said, though her smile faltered for a second. Her red eyes had that sad, faraway look in them agan, and Hinata knew she was thinking about Asuma-sensei.

Hinata let Kurenai braid her hair slowly before she asked, "How do you know, truly know, he's the right one?"

"The right one..." she trailed off. "The right one. He knows me. Knows what I like without me ever even saying anything. He can read me when other people can't. We might not be together all the time, but he doesn't make me feel like I'm forgotten. He knows my strengths, and believes in me when no one else does. You can see and feel that he cares deeply for everyone-his family, his friends... his students." She had reached the end of Hinata's hair and she tied it neatly with a hair band.

Hinata leaned in towards her and Kurenai placed an arm lovingly on her shoulders. "As for looks, there aren't any specifications in mind. After all, looks doesn't always equal love. But, if I had to say... He'd be tall. Rugged. Handsome." She winked knowingly at the younger woman.

"Smoking a cigarette?" Hinata teased.

Kurenai face scrunched a little. "That I could do without."

"Angled jawline accentuated with a dark beard?"

Her former sensei grinned mischeviously. "Preferred."

"And you, Hinata? When you think of the right one, what do you think about?" Kurenai prodded. "Do you think about golden sunshine and the bright blue sky and orange rays and loud laughter?"

Hinata flushed deeply. "I used to. But now when I think about it it makes me feel pain, too. Right here." A hand came to the middle of her chest and she squeezed it, remembering nights filled with tears and days of longing for a boy who would not return or acknowledge her affections and always had loved another. "Now I feel more comfort in the shadows."

"When I think of the right one... " she trailed off, her eyes drifting absentmindedly to the doorway.

"Tall. Rugged. Handsome?" Kurenai echoed.

Hinata bit her lip in embarrassment. "Quiet. Witty."

"Sarcastic? Lazy?"

Hinata grinned. "Not as lazy as one would think."

Kurenai pursed her lips. "Hmm, can't quite pinpoint that one."

Shikamaru stepped through the door, Mirai in his arms. She was fast asleep, her head lolling on his shoulder and she seemed to be drooling a bit already. "What are you two going on about?"

"Good with kids?" Kurenai whispered.

"Definitely," Hinata giggled.

Shikamaru rolled his eyes. "Girl talk?"

"Yes," they answered in unison.

"Anyway, I'm putting Mirai to bed, Kurenai-sensei."

"Thank you, Shikamaru. Good night," Kurenai gazed lovingly at the other two who were also her family. "Will you stay tonight?"

He shook his head. "I'll be back in the morning."

Sets of white and red eyes followed the pair until they could no longer see them.

Kurenai reached for a canister and began to close the lid. "You know, I think it would kill him just as much as it would kill you if your father finally agreed on one of these marriage proposals."

"Sensei!" Hinata exclaimed, whipping her head around to see if Shikamaru had heard.

"Trust me, I've been around you both to know when he gets anxious. He waited here all day until he knew your clan meeting was over and you were able to come see us."

"I'm tired of these suitors. If Father doesn't mind me not marrying into the clan, I might as well just marry someone else," the younger woman sighed, beginning to gather all her products.

"Looks like you've already got someone in mind."

Hinata bit her lip and tried to hide her face.

Kurenai smiled knowingly. "If you want, I can help speak to your father. The Nara clan is not far from home, and the clan head is an able, intelligent man."

"I'm sure Father already knows about us," Hinata mumbled. "Maybe that's why he's trying to marry me off."

"Night, Sensei, Hinata," Shikamaru called from the doorway, slipping on his sandals.

Hinata scrambled up, looking at Kurenai. Kurenai nodded and gave her a wink, pointing her chin towards him. She pulled her robe tighter around her as she stepped to the door. "I"ll walk you out, Shikamaru-kun."

They walked quietly out together, and they turned to face each other after it clicked behind them. Hinata raised her head up at him. "You don't want to stay?"

"Get some sleep," he said leaning over to kiss her on her cheek. "I'll be back in the morning. It's girl time, isn't it?"

"Another suitor is coming tomorrow," Hinata scrunched up her nose even as she leaned into his kiss. "I'll have to be up early again." She put a hand to his vest. "Will I see you tomorrow?"

"Hmm, what's one more?" he smirked with a twinkle in his eye.

"A nuisance."

He reached out and tugged her braid. "You know that meeting I told you about?

"Nn?"

He stuffed one hand in his pocket and the other came back to scratch the back of his head. "It's with your father. He was gracious enough to fit me into his schedule."

Her eyes widened and she gasped. "Y-you're the...suitor that's coming tomorrow?"

"Yeah...I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier," he said uneasily. "I wasn't sure if it was the right thing or if I should've asked you first-"

Tears sprang to her eyes and she leaped up, throwing her arms around his neck. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

Shikamaru's lanky arms settled around her. "Of course I am. Every time someone comes to see you, there's a higher chance of them taking you away from me. Time between suitors is few. I can't just sit around idly."

Hinata's eyes brimmed with tears and she asked, "Are you nervous?"

He swallowed but gave her a small grin and squeezed her waist. "Your father is intimidating. I'm not saying his standards are getting lower every time he searches for a husband for you, but if your Oshiro had a chance, then maybe I have one too." He let their foreheads touch for a moment. "Besides I am head of a pretty good clan, I'm from your own village, _and_ I'm advisor to the Hokage. What more could he want?"

"What more could _I_ want?" she giggled before she kissed him softly.

"Not sure if I'm a good man though," Shikamaru teased. "Or handsome."

"Oh, you're a good man all right," Hinata murmured against his lips, sharing a smile with him. "And definitely handsome."


	3. What Once was Mine

**What Once was Mine**

SasuHinaShika

 _Another take on my SasuHinaShika dystopian world. Same thing, same summary as "Old Habits" (cuz I can write a million ways for this outcome lol). In which: ShikaHina were lovers, but then Hinata was sealed and given to Sasuke by her father as a bride instead._

Hushed voices, quiet sobs, and rushed breaths were the only noise filling the empty walls of the Hyuuga clan's complex. Two bodies stood in front of the clan head's doors, heads close together, their shadows outlined against the shoji in the soft glow of the sunset.

"No matter what, I'll still be here," he murmured, reaching for her, lacing his fingers through her silky tresses and lifting her small face up to him with both hands. "I'll want you, even if they won't."

Her eyes were swimming as she stared up at him, clutching on to both of his wrists. "Okay," she whispered, fighting the tremble in her lip.

He bent down to her height, willing the soft kiss he pressed against her lips to give her some semblance of courage even he had a hard time believing he had himself.

Someone cleared their throat and they broke away from each other.

"Hinata-sama." A stone-faced uncle announced with a disapproving look, chin raised in distaste. "Your father will see you now."

"H-Hai," she stammered, bowing quickly with her hands clasped in front of her.

"Nara-san," her uncle turned to address Shikamaru, who had also bowed respectfully. "If you would follow me, please." He motioned with a sweep of his arm towards the other end of the hall.

"W-wait!" Her white eyes were wide and frantic, and her fingers stretched toward him like she was going to drop everything and just run into the safety of his arms. He gave a small shake of his head and mouthed, "It's okay." She froze mid-motion, instead taking her trembling hand and pressing it to her chest. Shikamaru gave her what he hoped looked like an encouraging grin before her uncle led him the opposite direction, and he disappeared from sight around the corner of a long corridor. But there was no more time to change her mind.

The doors slid open then and, with a shaky breath, Hinata knelt, bowing her head to the ground.

"You wished to speak to me," Hiashi's voice rang out and she fought to keep herself from flinching.

"Y-yes, Father."

When she raised her head, she quickly surveyed the room as she stood. It was empty, like she remembered. Her father hated clutter and only kept the minimal necessities in his private meeting area, where he invited only other heads of other clans, the hokage, and other prestigious guests.

Then, she realized they were not alone. Aside from her father's guards and servants, another person was present. He stuck out in the blankness of the cold, gray room, with his black hair and eyes. Her gaze traveled to her father's visitor.

"S-Sasuke-kun," she greeted, though it was more like a question. She tilted her head in almost confusion. She had only come across him occasionally, seen him with Naruto and Sakura, sometimes with Kakashi, since the council had allowed his return. She had made eye contact curiously with him once or twice, usually when their friends were gathered. He had always surveyed her quietly, and always from a distance, just like he was now.

"And I have something to say to you." Hinata turned her attention back to her father. With barely a pause, Hiashi continued, "As you know, I've been looking for the best suitor for you. You need someone intelligent. Strong. Someone who will be able to provide for you, protect you. And one, who preferably is head of his own clan."

Her face lit up. "Yes, Father! That's what I wanted to tell you," she rushed breathlessly. "Shikamaru and I —"

"And it will not be that Nara you have brought inside our walls."

She froze in shock, eyes wide once more. "W-what?"

She turned in her head towards Sasuke, who betrayed no emotions, just watched her with level eyes as she realized now what her father was discussing with him.

"Wait." Her voice was panicked. _Her? And Sasuke?_ "Father, if you would listen to me, p-please—"

"There is nothing more I need to hear." Hiashi folded his arms. "It's already been decided. In blood." He threw a scroll towards her with unnerving accuracy, and it unfurled as it reached her, still wet with the blood of the thumbprint there, the familiar stench of rust tickling her nose.

She drew back into herself, her hair hanging forward like a curtain, hiding the hurt on her face. "I love him, Father," Hinata whispered, one arm wrapping itself around her defensively, holding herself together, praying to keep herself from breaking, from shattering. Willing her resolve to remain intact. For herself. For him.

Hiashi snorted, waving her off. "You think your mother and I married for love? This is the way of the great clans."

"Father—"

"Enough!" Hiashi's voice drowned her out. "You have done nothing for this clan long enough! You shall know your place."

A spark of determination lit within her and her head shot up defensively. She stood up straighter, willed her voice to be louder, hoping she could reach him, "Father, please!"

"I will not listen to anything more you have to say." Hiashi's robes twirled around as he turned his back on her, a blatant signal of her dismissal.

"Father, I am with child!" Her voice echoed off the bare walls, bouncing and thundering in the silence. There was nothing but the sound of it ringing in her ears. Her fists were clenched by her sides, yet they trembled. With fear, with anticipation, she wasn't sure.

"What?" His voice was deathly low. Hiashi turned back to face her. His face seemed to grow red in anger.

It was an unspoken rule that within the walls of the compound, no one was to ever use their byakugan, for privacy and out of respect to other members of the clan. Even more importantly, it was never used in the presence of the main branch or clan head. And, unless you were the clan's appointed doctor, it was never, ever used to survey another person's body, especially on a pregnant woman.

But in a flash, Hiashi activated his byakugan, and saw another little ball of chakra in her abdomen.

He stomped with all the grace of a Hyuuga towards her and slapped her with the back of his hand.

"How dare you disgrace us like this? I should have known." He seethed, staring furiously down at her as she cast her gaze shamefully to the floor, hair falling forward to hide the angry red marks on her face where he had struck her. "You're nothing but one disappointment after another."

After a sharp intake of breath, he said in a low voice, "You will never speak to this Nara again, you hear me? You will immediately marry instead, Uchiha Sasuke. You won't speak a word of your pregnancy to anyone, and when your child is born, you will say it is an Uchiha. Do you understand?"

Hinata couldn't fight the tears from spilling, couldn't stop the ragged breaths that started to escape her, not from the stinging on her cheek, but from the sense of dread and the feeling of loss and helplessness that pressed like a weight on her shoulders and on her chest.

He turned to Sasuke. "Is that clear?"

Sasuke's black eyes narrowed, and he was no doubt, disgusted with the idea. But he replied, "Do I have a choice?"

"No, you don't." Hiashi let his face contort into something like a smirk. "Not if you want to live."

"Come with me." He reached out and yanked Hinata towards him by her wrist and she cried out in pain. "Take her." He ordered the servants in the room, who rushed to her.

Sasuke interrupted, standing between father and daughter, his arm outstretched protectively between them. "Hiashi. There is no need for this."

Hinata looked up to his tall, broad back in surprise. She could feel his warmth radiating from the thin yukata he had on, his clan's emblem staring her in the face.

Hiashi's eyes narrowed. "She is not your wife yet, Uchiha. Out of my way."

Sasuke pressed his lips together only for a moment and then stepped to the side. The air felt cold in the space he left.

The tears made her eyes seem like crystals as she met his for a quick moment before her father's guards seized her.

They took Hinata out of the room, through the halls, and past another area where Shikamaru was being held by other guards. "Hinata!" He called frantically as they dragged her by her wrists behind her back out the door. He tried to make a motion towards her, but he was only shoved forcefully back into a kneeling position. Past the guard's forms, he could see a small group following her.

Hinata scrambled to keep up with the pace of the guards, turning her head as much as she could, eyes searching in the direction of his voice, "S-Shikamaru?" They neared another one of the buildings across the courtyard of the complex, its looming shadow falling over her, and she realized in horror where they were bringing her. The sealing house.

"W-wait. Father!" She began to tug as hard as she could, trying to free herself from their hold. "Father!" She lunged away from the building and towards where she could sense the others, but the strong arms of her father's guards kept her in place, blocking her view.

Hiashi closed his eyes, folding his arms across his chest, ignoring her as they slid the doors open. To anyone else, her pleas were heart-wrenching. But the hearts of this clan were cold and unyielding.

"Father, please!" She begged, trying her best to resist, dragging her weight.

The doors slid shut, and Hiashi finally opened his eyes.

"Bring him to me," he pointed to Shikamaru.

Shikamaru was brought before Hiashi. The Hyuuga guards slammed him on the ground on his knees, his hands behind his back. "What are you doing to her?" He asked angrily, as they all heard her screams of agony through the thin walls. It took everything in him not to rush in there after her.

"It only hurts more because she's older," he said impassively.

Shikamaru's eyes widened in horror. "There's no need for—!"

Hiashi ignored him as he bent his face down right in front of the younger man. "The only reason why I'm not killing you now is out of respect to Shikaku."

Shikamaru grit his teeth. "It would be unwise to start a civil war, Hiashi-sama."

Hiashi snorted. "A war? And fight against who? The Nara, Yamanaka, and Akimichi clans? Don't make me laugh. We are the Hyuuga."

A fire burned behind Shikamaru's eyes, his tongue tingling with the words he held back.

Hiashi continued flatly, "You will take an oath to be silent about the true parentage of this child. You will not have any interaction with my daughter hereafter."

"Or what?" Shikamaru's eyes narrowed defiantly.

"Or I will kill the child in her womb myself now."

His brows sloped downward as he asked, "Haven't you hurt her enough?"

Hiashi looked coldly at Shikamaru down the point of his perfect nose, silent.

Shikamaru instead exchanged a long glance with Sasuke, who was also following. "Will you protect her?"

"I will." His black eyes almost looked apologetic before he tore them away to linger instead on the doors Hinata had been led through. "It's not by my own choice," he mumbled.

"And it?"

Sasuke hesitated for a moment but nodded. "Yes. It will not be an only child."

"What about the first-born's status as heir?"

"Only those with sharingan will have claim to status of heir," Sasuke responded tightly.

The screams stopped inside the room.

Shikamaru's lips pressed together in a straight line before he murmured, his head bowed in defeat, "I swear it." It felt like there had been a hole ripped in his chest.

Hiashi nodded, satisfied. "Take him away."

They dragged him towards the gates of the compound and shoved him out unceremoniously. Before they shut the doors on his face, he glanced back over his shoulder. He could see Hinata being carried like a limp doll, the tears on her cheeks as fresh as the seal on her forehead, unconscious with her eyes closed, her head slumped against the shoulder of one of her relatives. Shikamaru's eyes traveled to meet the Uchiha's, before he turned, blocking his view from what once was his. And just like that, they stole her from him.

In his nightmares, there was green and white and red, and she was always out of reach.

 _A/N: green - caged bird seal, white and red - Uchiha. *sigh* I love drama. And yeah, Hiashi's not that mean, but it's an even more dystopian world, c'mon now._


	4. Touch

Shinobi do not touch. Unless they meant to kill, and on rare occasions, heal, shinobi do not touch.

Shinobi do not touch, least of all the shinobi from noble clans, who carried themselves as if they had an invisible bubble two feet around them at all times, who stared past you, chins high, faces blank, almost but not quite daring you to meet their gaze (and would probably kill you if you merely brushed the end of the fabric of their sleeve on accident.)

Shinobi do not touch, unless they meant to kill.

At least, that's what he had thought.

He received his hitai-ate and he became a shinobi, and shinobi do not touch, unless they meant to kill.

Touching was allowed between family, he decided, but touches of affection or concern were rare for even his own family. Most of them came from Ino growing up (but Ino was Ino, and she did whatever she wanted. Over time, he realized he didn't mind it much when she snaked an arm through his as they walked or swatted him in frustration) or from Chouji's mom with her hearty hugs, who was a civilian.

Shinobi do not touch, unless they meant to kill, but Ino and Chouji were his teammates and they were like family.

Shinobi do not touch, unless they meant to kill, and team 8 was one of the fiercest group of killers. Silent, underestimated, and molded under heavy genjutsu training, most of the rest of their peers forgot just how unforgiving and downright deadly they were. And yet, it seemed like they touched the most.

For someone who was supposed to be incredibly observant, Shikamaru was utterly baffled when he realized it.

They probably got the habit from Kiba, he rationalized. Shikamaru had seen Hana rub noses with him or Tsume nuzzle his cheek when he returned safely from a mission when they thought no one was looking. The Inuzuka clan and its family of canines had no problem disregarding personal space in general, but still, for someone from the outside, with each other it was a noticeable contrast from their brash attitudes and rough, wild exteriors.

But Team 8 had no qualms with touching each other. Hinata would slink her arms around Kurenai's waist or tuck herself under Shino's jacket when she was cold, snuggling close to his side. Kiba and Shino would cuddle under Kurenai's arms and she would ruffle the boys' hair. Kiba would lean unapologetically against Shino, or give sloppy kisses to Hinata's cheek and she would scrunch her face up in laughter and wipe it off with the back of her sleeve, or sling his arms unannounced around their shoulders. Granted, Shino would be the least touchy, but he was no more immune cuddling with Akamaru than the rest of them. He would be more of the one receiving the touches, rather than initiating, and even then, he didn't look like he was uncomfortable.

But, Shikamaru reasoned with himself, they were teammates, and they were like family, like Ino and Chouji were to him.

And when the two teams started to spend more time together, basking in the comfort of their senseis' love for each other, sparring and training and cuts and bruises and missions and duty were forgotten for a moment. Shino started to spend hours with Ino in her shop, helping her flowers flourish with insects he would recommend. Hinata could spend hours with her head in Ino's lap as they gossiped. Kiba and Chouji would trade barbecue secrets as they would get together for their dinners. The touches of team 8 became the touches of team 8 and 10, and they weren't just classmates anymore, they were family, too.

Because shinobi do not touch, unless they meant to kill.

Kiba wasn't shy in his friendly punches to his or Chouji's shoulders. Kiba's make out sessions and on-again, off-again flings with Ino weren't quite kept secret. Chouji's and Shino's joint lounging sessions with Akamaru began to include Shikamaru, too. Hinata would giggle and pat Chouji's belly affectionately after he finished 12 plates of her cooking and burped in satisfaction. Shino seemed to be content braiding Ino's and Hinata's hair as they sat weaving flower crowns on a blanket in the warm sun, trading tips on flower pressing and gardening. And even after Asuma's death, they all found comfort huddling close to one another under the warmth a large blanket and Akamaru's fur, drying each other's tears with warm embraces and sleepy promises of forever.

To see Hinata—a Hyuuga—as generous with her affection as Kiba, Shikamaru just could not understand. He looked at her and he looked at her father and he thought how can they share the same blood? How can they be the same family? With her father, her clan, her hands were guarded, clasped together, touching only to strike and defeat and _weaken_.

But with Hanabi, she hugged and embraced and kissed and loved freely as she did Kiba, Shino, Kurenai, Mirai.

He had no idea that Hinata's touches, whose touch was meant to kill by birthright and blood alone, were the gentlest of them all.

Shinobi do not touch, unless they meant to kill, or so he thought, and that was why he was so surprised—and confused—at how much he liked the feel of her small hand, calloused and scarred, in his. Her fingers laced between his, squeezing them in reassurance, in encouragement.

He loved the feel of her body next to him as they shared the blanket under the shade as warmth of the summer sun lulled them to sleep, the electricity he felt when their arms bumped as they walked together, the gentle squeeze around his neck or his waist she gave him whenever they were forced to be separated for long periods of time or when they reunited again, her head against his chest, the small dip in the back of her spine under his hand.

He loved the intoxicating sweetness he tasted on her full, plump lips when they stole kisses from around the corners where their friends were, unsure of what it was they had, but knowing whatever it was, they were willing to try.

Shinobi do not touch, unless they meant to kill, and her touch was killing him. And in an entirely different way.

The Hokage had recognized the efficiency of their combined skills—team 8 and team 10 embodied in one person from each team respectively—and sent them on frequent missions together. Not that he hated it, but on these missions it was hard to concentrate when she was in danger.

He almost went berserk when their target held a dagger to her neck, slicing at her throat. He should have known it was stupid to split up, but he hadn't doubted her abilities, he had just underestimated their enemy's—a shinobi through and through.

He could see her eyelids drooping, limbs going limp as her chakra weakened, as her breaths grew ragged.

Shikamaru was merciless as he commanded his shadow needle, piercing through the sides of their enemy's temples, neck, puncturing through his lungs, heart and gut, as he wrenched forward, catching her in his arms and leaping away.

Counting her shallow breaths was his only consolation, his only hope, his distraction.

He couldn't understand the blinding fury that didn't subside even after they were safe.

She feel the anger rolling off of him as she finally awoke.

"What is it?" she asked carefully, dropping the formalities and her usual, professional, _Taichou_.

He was cleaning the blood off his deer mask. "He touched you."

"Yes, he did." His dark eyes went to the bruises encircling her neck, wrists, arms, the bone surrounding her eye, and the rest of the side of her face. Cuts that he knew would scar on her chest, abdomen, arms, neck.

"Shinobi do not touch, unless they meant to kill," he repeated his mantra. "You were almost killed," he said tightly.

She stood from the bed, hissing in pain, and walked towards him, pushing the bindings around her breasts down, letting the bandages unwind and fall to the floor, and covered her breasts with an arm. A scar, ragged and gruesome, to her left chest told of a tale of a miracle and a brush with death.

She took one of his hands, placing it above the scar. "Shinobi do not touch, unless they meant to kill. But we are not just shinobi." He felt her heart beating beneath the scar. Yes, she was alive, with him, breathing. She was looking at him with such tenderness he felt his heart could burst, her eyes glittering, shining at the edges, telling of unspoken sadness, brokenness. There was burning there, a yearning that mirrored his as she gazed up at him. He realized why it was so easy for her to touch was because she had been starved of it, of affection, of attention, or love for that matter, all her life. "Sometimes touch is all we need," she whispered.

His eyes dropped to his hand on her heart, reassured with the steady beat he felt under his palm, and, smoothed it up and over one bare shoulder, caressing the matching ANBU tattoo on the lean muscle there, pulling her to him, throwing all logic and reason and calculation out and erasing the thought that

 _Shinobi do not touch, unless they meant to kill._

Because he couldn't get over the taste of her lips, the fire he felt when her fingertips brushed the hard lines of muscle on his abdomen under his vest, under his shirt. That is why he could barely contain himself as she dragged them up and across, tracing each of the grooves slowly, and then down, down, down, slipping carefully, hesitantly just an inch under the waistband of his pants. He sucked in a breath, growling against her mouth, head spinning away from its usual control as he relished the sensation of her body, backing her into the wall, pressing closer to her, feeling the heat grow between them, her breasts against his chest, desire pooling deep in his core. Her neck, face, waist were deceptively fragile and utterly breakable beneath his palms, as her responding lips matched his in equal fervor. He shivered as her own fingers reached to undress him, undo the tie in his hair, electricity sparking as she threaded them through his hair, needing him, wanting him, _longing_ for his touch, every bit as he did hers.

Shinobi do not touch, unless they meant to kill, and on rare occasions, heal, and he felt like she did both.

The way she touched him, he might have died anyway.

They lay together, limbs entangled, given the release they had been searching for for the longest time. She placed a hand on his cheek as he hugged her close to him and they breathed in time, forehead to forehead, skin to skin.

Shikamaru had never been so sure that her touch was what he needed. This was what he needed. She was what he needed.

Shinobi do not touch, unless they meant to kill.

But they were not just shinobi.


	5. If it Kills Me

_**ShikaHina Lyrics Prompt**_

 _ **If it Kills Me by Jason Mraz**_

 _If I should be so bold  
I'd ask you to hold my heart in your hand  
Tell you from the start how I've longed to be your man  
But I never said a word  
I guess I'm gonna miss my chance again_

—

 _Don't look so happy to see me,_ he thought as he opened the door. Even so, he couldn't help from grinning back at the way her face lit up and the huge smile that stretched her lips as she beamed up at him. "Shikamaru-kun!"

 _Don't hug me so tightly,_ he thought as she reached around his middle, pressing her face into his chest with a sigh. It wasn't any different than she did for Kiba or Shino, he reminded himself. He couldn't stop from squeezing her back and inhaling the intoxicating scent of her hair, one he couldn't get out of his mind since she had been gone.

 _Don't act so familiarly with my mom._

"Yoshino-san!" she greeted as his mother came to give her a hug of her own. "This is the newest batch. I used the special Nara herbal mixture you gave me, tell me what you think…" her voice trailed off as she made her way into the kitchen, giving the Nara matriarch a jar of ointment. The sheen of her indigo hair hanging down her back like a waterfall reflected the sun, and he couldn't tear his eyes away from the perfect picture the two most important women in his life presented as they laughed together.

 _Don't look comfortable settling yourself in my house, on my porch, next to me._

They were playing shogi, sharing tea made with herbs and plants from her garden, catching up like they usually did. They'd go on for hours and hours, which was saying a lot for people who didn't talk much, and they'd forget whose turn it was until they gave up the game altogether. She was talking animatedly, a blush on her cheeks as she spoke.

 _Don't be so excited to tell me all about him._

Usually she noticed when he was staring at her. She'd stop whatever she was doing and give him a funny look. "What is it?" she'd say nervously under the soft gaze he gave her, unused to being the center of attention (that she knew).

But lately, she had been too distracted.

He was lost, studying her, trying to ignore the ache in his chest, though he was happy to just be around her, trying to memorize her face.

He couldn't help carrying on imaginary conversations with her in his mind, as she rambled on.

"Hinata, I love you."

"I'm in love with you."

"I'm falling in love with you."

He'd imagine her eyes widening in surprise, a small smile on her lips, always with that beautiful blush on her cheeks. "I know, I love you too," she'd say, and it would be perfect.

But it was just all wishful thinking.

She had no idea.

He always thought he'd find a way to tell her he was in love her. That he thought of her more than just a friend. That he couldn't help but dream of a future with her.

But chances kept slipping through his fingers, and now he couldn't be sure if he could anymore.

He couldn't be quite sure the exact moment he realized when he had fallen in love with her, but he sure has hell knew when he realized when it was too late.

Not many people he connected with her like he had. How many other people could she talk so much and so comfortably with? Not even Naruto had that opportunity. He couldn't help but think that not even Naruto knew these little things about her, saw this side of her. Naruto had never seen her rage in fury, cry in frustration, laugh openly, not like he had.

How could he keep pretending that he was fine just being her friend, like he was interested in hearing about just how closer she was getting to Naruto, how it was everything she had ever dreamed of?

But Naruto was his friend too, and everyone knew for the longest time how much HInata had been in love with him. Now that he was returning her affections, well, who would want to take that away from her?

Her happiness was his happiness—and his heartache.

And he would rather have her smiling, happy, and in love with someone else than crying and in heartbroken. He had seen too much of that already.

Somehow a part of him cherished being able to see her vulnerability, to be someone she had come to in her weakest hours.

He leaned his cheek more into the palm of his hand and her inquisitive eyes darted back to him, finally aware of his eyes in her. The red deepened on her cheeks, and her grip tightened around the cup. "O-oh, is it still your turn?"

The sun hit the ring on her finger just right then, and he squinted as it bounced into his pupils, blinding him for a moment. When his vision cleared, his eyes fell to her lips as she bit them nervously and then it took him all his willpower to meet her eyes again. "No. Go on. Your move." How much longer could he go wishing to kiss her before he went crazy?

It was eating at him, and she was killing him. Slowly.

"Anyway, thanks for inviting me over." She gave him a soft smile. "I'm going to miss this."

"The invitation still stands. My door's always open."

The corners of her eyes crinkled. "Thank you, Shikamaru-kun. For being such a good friend."

Their gazes locked for a moment, and it was quiet as they just stared at each other, something unsaid passing through them

and now, _now_ was his chance.

 _Say it, Shikamaru. Say it._

So he opened his mouth, took a deep breath, and said,

"Anything for you."

the million other things he wanted to say rushing through his brain, swallowed up and lost, as he returned her smile, missing his chance again.


	6. So Far AwayWorlds Apart

_**ShikaHina Lyrics Prompt**_

 _ **Worlds Apart by Seven Lions**_

 _ **So Far Away by Martin Garrix**_

 _A/N: So yeah, I'm also a huge EDM fan._

—

The end of the dinner was punctuated with a loud burp from a satisfied Chouji, followed by a high five from Kiba across the table. "Thank you for the dinner!" he said happily.

"Boys," Kurenai admonished, even as her daughter giggled from the high chair.

"Honestly," Ino sighed, scooping Mirai up and placing her into Shino's arms. "I hope Mirai never picks up any of your habits," she rolled her eyes, one hand on her hip as she flicked Kiba's tattooed cheek.

"Shikamaru, Hinata, clear the table and get the dishes washed, won't you?" Kurenai asked them pointedly. The others pretended not to notice.

The two had been sitting awkwardly at the table, eyes fixated on their laps and faces turned away from each other. They grimaced, but complied as the rest of their teammates started to file out of the room.

It remained silent in the kitchen, with the sounds of laughter floating in as the rest of their teammates played games with Mirai in the living room, and it would have been relaxing if not for the heavy atmosphere.

"How long were you going to go without talking to me?" Shikamaru finally said, interrupting the tension. He had been running the water, staring at it streaming down the faucet as Hinata came back and forth from the sink and the table, placing the dirty dishes and cutlery on the opposite side. But now, he slammed the handle down, shutting off the faucet, and came behind her, reaching for her wrist and turning her to face him, though not as gentle as he should have.

The dishes she had been holding clinked against the table as she let them go from her grasp, and she gave a defeated sigh, mumbling, "Not very long." She kept her eyes on his long fingers encircling her thin arm.

"What, we're just gonna pretend like we didn't have anything?"

"No," she said in frustration, finally looking up at him, eyes glistening with the tears she had tried so hard to keep from spilling the entire time she had been in his presence.

He grip around her wrist loosened, until finally he yanked his arm back. He gave a sharp exhale and he closed his eyes, mostly because he would have lost it if she kept looking at him with that heartbreaking expression. " _Fuck_ , Hinata. I miss you every single day when I see you. You're here, an arm's reach away. I'm always around you—" He scratched his head in frustration. "So why does it feel like you're so fucking far away?"

She didn't answer, her lip trembling.

"You said we could stay friends," he said, his voice breaking.

Hinata's face fell then and tears pooled in her eyes again as she attempted to keep her voice down. "I'm trying! But I can't be around you, it's too hard for me—"

"So you're just going to ignore me? Pretend like I don't exist?" He accused, his own voice rising. The fun in the living room paused for only a second as his words echoed loudly.

"It's too hard for me, Shikamaru-kun!" Her voice breaking as her hands clenched into fists. "Because I can't help wishing that we could have been more. It's too late for that now." She brushed at the tears on her cheeks and the ring on her finger glittered, mocking him.

"If you thought distance was supposed to help, it doesn't," he said sharply. "It just hurts."

Her eyebrows turned down. "What am I supposed to do? Act like we're still friends? Even though you were more than that to me?"

Shikamaru's lips flattened into a thin line.

"Listen, when I used to imagine my perfect future, it was like this." Her arm swept towards the kitchen, the living room. "A small child or two, a small home. A happy family."

"Naruto."

She flushed angrily. "Yes, it was with Naruto. A long time ago." A sob caught in her throat and one her arms came up slowly and she pressed the palm of her hand to his cheek. "But then it was you." White, shining eyes locked onto his dark ones, pain reflecting in both pairs. "I grew up, and it was you. It would be me, and you, and someone like Mirai. And all our friends and family would come over and visit us and we'd have something… something just like this." Shikamaru closed his eyes, listening to her voice, and he couldn't help but lean into her touch.

"And now, I close my eyes and I try to dream of my perfect future," she whispered. "And I try to—and it should be Naruto—a-and our family. But it's still you I see." Hinata removed her hand from his face and Shikamaru's eyes opened sadly at the loss of her warmth.

"It's too late for that now," she repeated softly.

"I just—I really don't know how to love someone else, like I did you. I don't know how to forget your face in my dreams." He reached out and cupped her chin with his hand, leaning down to kiss her forehead. "I don't know if I ever will." He dropped his hand and shoved it in his pocket, turned and walked out. "Tell Kurenai-sensei I won't be able to help after all. I'll make it up to her next time," he said as the door swung shut behind him.

Hinata sobbed once, turning on the faucet so that it would drown out the sound of her crying, and she sank in heap to the floor, heart aching with the realization that the closest they would ever be again was worlds apart


	7. Banana Pancakes

_**ShikaHina Lyrics Prompt**_

 _ **Banana Pancakes by Jack Johnson**_

 _You hardly even notice  
When I try to show you this  
Song is meant to keep you  
From doin' what you're supposed to_

—

The soft, steady _pitter-patter_ against the roof and windows of the early morning was interrupted with the sudden beeping of the alarm clock. Dark clouds blocked the light of the early dawn, masking the true time, yet the fuzzy red numbers on the clock did not lie.

Two bodies were huddled together closely under a thick, plush blanket—silent, and unresponsive to the noise. Finally, a slender arm reached out push the button, stopping the intrusive sound.

A head of rumpled, indigo hair peeked out of the bundle of sheets, eyes squinting and blinking groggily.

A deep voice thick with sleep rumbled, "Stay," and its owner clutched tighter at the other's waist, his nose burying into the back of her neck.

"It's 4 am." Her own voice was equally rough but she leaned into him, eyes closing shut once again as she made no attempt to rise. His warm breath caused shivers down her spine and the hairs to stand along her bare arms. "You need to get up."

"It's cold. You're warm."

"Mm."

He muttered into her skin, "I don't want to go. It's raining. It's cold. I'm tired."

She giggled softly. His refusal sounded almost child-like in its irritation.

"I have everything I need right here." He squeezed her gently. "Right now."

"Your job," she reprimanded lightly.

He grunted.

A smile played on her lips as she let herself drift into her dreams a bit longer.

"Shikamaru-kun," her voice came again after a few minutes. "Wake up."

"It's too early."

"I only put it early because I knew it would take you long to get up." She turned over so her face was buried in his chest and slinked her arms around his torso, sliding her fingertips down his back and grinning at the shudder he gave in response before kissing his collarbone. "Do you really want Naruto-kun calling you again?"

He only pressed her closer, stuffing her head under his chin.

"You're worse than Kakashi-sensei."

One eye slowly opened into a small slit. He harrumphed, "You just came home. Can I just be with you a little longer?"

Hinata sighed, but nuzzled deeper into his embrace.

"Naruto will understand," Shikamaru said as he hugged her.

When she was nestled again perfectly in his arms, she pressed her lips to his throat. "Lazy," she murmured, but she let her eyes close again too.

He grinned in triumph and sighed contentedly, "I'll make you pancakes."


End file.
